spring is here

Or at least it has been for the odd day, its lovely to see everything coming into to bloom, including my two sister in laws who are both pregnant, they both have 4 year old boys six weeks apart & again are expecting 6 weeks apart, although things this time are a little different... not so nice I guess, Zara who is due in September has been trying for two years to get pregnant & ending up having a op & the drug clomid to help her, they have had to pay for this (not sure how much) but Im sure it cant have been nice. Francesca due in October, this will be her 5th pregnancy sadly so far she only has one living child to show for all these pregnancies, she had two miscarraiges after having James & then went on to have Sara a healthy term baby sadly at 8 weeks old she got meningits it took just four hours for her to pass away, at 5am she woke with a rash by the time she got to hospital in the ambulance she was covered & by 9am she had passed away. so so heartbreaking. Keeley was born 2 days after James but she wasnt supposed to be born untill 10 weeks after that.

We went over to Ireland to see Gavins family this weekend, the children loved flying they were so excited espically Murphy who, normally a quiet child was shouting at the top of his voice everytime he saw an airplane take off, we thought this was very cute but Im sure others in the airport were not so keen but you know I didn't care my little boy was enjoying himself :) x

Spelling/Grammar

Note to one's self - check it!!!!

Peppa pig peppa pig.... we went to Buxton Opera house yesterday to see the show, a big hit as far as Keeley was concerned, she loved it & sat for the hour & 20mins taking it all in, hard work for a deaf child, Murphy did great until the last 10 minutes when he got a little bored but I was still pleased with them both, after we were forced to spend £4.50 on a peppa pig balloon which has not even been looked at since but never mind. It was a beatiful day in Buxton we walked round the park afterwards & Keeley had a go on the giant bouncey slide, the lady wasnt keen on letting her on as she was so small (4 was the age limit) I assured her she would be fine & she was. I also got chatting to another lady who's daughter came over & proudly annoucnced her name was Keeley & she was four!!! she also had red hair, funny how we got talking. We saw Murphys double as well this child looked so much like him, but we did laugh when we saw it was a little girl? maybe Murph does need a haircut?

funny faces..

Keeley has her new hearing aids!! We tried them for the first time at the weekend with a thomas bubble gun as a bribe, they lasted 10 minutes... Now I knew school would have slightly more luck than us at getting her to keep them it, but she only tried to take them out once & kept them in for a full 6 hours, Im slightly put out to be honest, my little bungle of joy will not do anything for me or her daddy she basically has us wrapped round her little finger, we only have ourselves to blame I guess. well we will keep trying.

She had her swimming lesson this evening & she was fantastic, not so much shouting or trying to climb out & she even got her tadpoles one badge which she was sooo proud of & so was I, it is currently displayed on her drawers for all to see & admire, in two weeks she starts her private swimming lessons which will hopefully help her a little more.

Murphy has pretty much been ill with one thing or another since New year, I took him to get weighed last week & he has lost 2lb, rather a lot when you only weigh 22lbs, he has been off his food for weeks, I really try not to stress about it, but its hard, keeley was so bad at eating that at his age she weighed 13lb a good 10lb less than she should, her eating only 'kicked' in when she was about 3.5, I dont want to spend the next two years worring about Murphy I really dont, but Im at a loss as what to do, he was born on the bottom centile (5lb 10oz) & was nearly up to the 9th centile now he is dropping back down, so please Murphy eat for mummy...

Mad March

as it commonly known as due to amount of birthdays!! we have birthday parties every weekend, tomorrow is a joint one, Freddies & Imogen who are both 'big' four, I can remember seeing Elsa (Freddies mum) in labour, we we in neonatal late one night & she was waiting in labour ward waiting room having contractions but still managed to hug me & ask how things were, one of my nicer memories of that time!! I dont really know Imogen mums that well but we exchange pleasantries if we see each other at school.

I help run a toddler group on a Monday morning, I have always enjoyed this group & have some excellent friends there, we all tend to muck in by putting away toys making toast etc but lately a lot of new people have started, sadly they are not willing to help out, a few of them have gone on the rota but more often than not they dont bother to turn up till everything is done. I dont mind doing my share but I wont molly coddel these people they leave their washing up, talk over of singing at the end & as we are trying to leave they stand around talking & we have to push them out, bearing in mind most of us 'oldies' have children to collect or take to pre-school & older toddlers who are crying for their naps. We dont run this group it isnt ours its the NCT but they act like spolit teenagers if they are asked to do anything. I went round asking who wanted to come on the easter egg hunt next week, you would have thought I was asking them to do something terrible by the looks on their faces, I always thought easter egg hunts were supposed to be fun? Moan over for now!!

Wow its been a busy weekend, but great fun, Thursday I was 35 years old!!! how did happen?? last time I looked I was 30 I really dont know where the last five years have gone. I got my birthday presents from my parents on Wednesday & put them on the table out of way, the next time I walked into the room Keeley had kindly opened them all for me :( I dont get many presents nowadays & I had even less to open this year!! still it made me laugh. Its Mothers day today so more presents again (its been a busy weekend) Keeley helped me open them this time & insisted I share my chocolates with her (so sweet). Back to normality tomorrow Im running toddlers (fun) I never get much time to chat to friends or play with Murphy when Im on the rota.

We have been mulling along for the past six months or so getting on pretty nicely, Keeleys behaviour has improved dramatically she is a pleasure to be aroubd most of the time, but just as you think things are going well something comes along & kicks you right in the teeth & puts you back down where I have been struggling along for few years, Keeley has started swimming lessons, I didn't think it was going so bad but the instructor told me tonight that she will start to hold others in her group back,so I'm guessing it would only be a few more weeks before we are 'kicked out' or asked as nicely as possible not to come back!so shall I take her out before this happens or tell then they cannot discriminate against a disabled child, I don't know maybe things will be clearer tomorrow! rotten old swimming lessons!

its been a busy week this week, Tuesday I took the children bowling with some friends between us we had seven children with three adults, I thought we were very brave!! the children were so well behaved & we all had great fun, Wednesday I took Murphy to a play gym place & then we had hospital for Keeleys hearing aids moulds to be fitted in the afternoon, Friday she had her last bit of her MMR jab which we paid for her to have separate, we decided she was far to small to have it all together, she weighed about 12lb at the time most babies having it done we double that. This week we have two more hospital appointments, genetics & ENT, the week after its her eye test then hopefully we get a break for a few weeks, we have been the hospital every week for five weeks, I think its a bit much for a little girl sometimes but what do I do, say no sorry maybe next we will come next week??

Yeah the party was a success she has had a fab time & gotten some fantastic gifts, she was so happy to have her friends around her, her & Ruby stuck together like glue which is cool as Ruby is 'big six' so can look out for Keeley. Murphy had fun too. I feel really happy tonight knowing my little girl enjoyed her birthday party. Last year was a disaster, I had organised a big do with a bouncy castle in a village hall where we help run the toddler group I go to, with around 30 children, but as soon as we got there she just closed in on herself & spent the entire party sitting on Daddys knee sucking her thumb, I felt bad for her, her friends, my friends, me, but a year on she is a different child.

Today has been better no sad thoughts, maybe because I have no memories of what happened four years ago today, at least three days are pretty much gone, I can remember the odd thing but not much. Tomorrow is big party day, so excited ....

Birthday day

Keeley is four today, big four, well little four as she is only the size of a two year old but still, she has had a fab day so far, we still have lots of people coming with presents later & then her party to look forward to on Sunday with 19 small people coming along.

I had a little cry this morning, the birth of your first child should, by all rights be the happiest day of your life, it wasn't mine, it was one of the worst, Keeley was a very much wanted & planned baby, we decided to go for a spring baby with thoughts of birthday parties in the garden, sadly on the 26th Feb 2006 I went into labour, it wasnt a great day timing wise either, Gavin & I were due to be God parents to my Niece, we never made it. The day before I was admitted to hospital with a bleed & at 9.45am on the 26th I was told I needed a c-section else this baby would die, she was born at 10.07am weighing 1lb 14oz, I dont remember much of the next few days, only that she got really sick, having her Baptised in the middle of the night & being told she may not make it. Anyway three months later we brought home the smallest baby most people had ever seen 3lb 15oz. I still sadened by her first few months of life, I feel we were robbed of one of the most important days of our lifes. It was no ones fault, just one of those things. To us May 22nd is a special day as thats when she came home.

Hopefully next year I wont cry a it does get easier everyear, I save my tears for when Im on my own I dont want to share them I think people would think Im silly four years later.

She is our brave little fighter & I love her so much x x

Snow days

We woke up this morning & it was white over 2-3inches overnight it was fab, we got togged up & went for a walk, Murphy loved it, but Keeley got cold, that girl really does need some neat on her bones (so to speak)Its nearly her 4th birthday (next Friday) we have organised a party at a local play centre with twenty of her friends, I hope she enjoys it x

I made my tea - oh happy days :)

I want a cup of time but I really cant be arsed to get of my backside & make it, Gavin is still at work & then he has a two hour drive to get home so Im guessing he wont want to make me one & its too long to wait.... oh I need a maid or a nanny or just someone to do my ironing, I've had two ironing ladies but they keep getting pregnant & leaving, so if you want to get pregnant....

I also dont feel well, I feel like the squidlets have been sick since christmas with one thing or another & now I have it which is crap because I dont have anyone to look after me & I still have to look after two poorly little sick babies, they have conjuntivities (sp)? so I have the great pleasure of getting their eye drops in, two drops in each eye four (yes four) times a day, this is not an easy task, I have to sit on them (not my full weight cause that would just be stupid) pin their arms to their sides take aim & hope for the best, they of course freak out at this but it has to be done & there is no reasoning with them, I do feel bad about it.

At the moment everything just seems to be a blur of appointments & visiting people or rushing to preschool & toddler groups, I'd love to just take a step back for a few days but the thought of two very bouncy children stuck in with just each other & mummy for company doesn't bear thinking about, I feel as though Im on a rollercoster, even the weekends when Gavin is home dont seem to make much difference, if anything things get more hetic, he is a wonderful father & will sit on the floor & play for hours, he also lets me lie in at the weekend but more often than not the guilt gets me out of bed shortly after him. its hard work being a mummy sometimes.

Keeley starts full time school in September & Murphy can start pre school so maybe I will get a little more time to catch up on thoses jobs which have been left for the past four years?? or maybe I can get back to college & finish thoses two courses I started in 2008 :)

Keeleys cochlear implant assessment was last week we are non the wiser yet.

We are so sad that Christmas is over, this was the first year that Keeley really understood what all the magic was about & of course Murphy picked up on it as well.

We are now well in the most depressing month of the year, but the snow is cheering me up a little, even my car not starting this morning & having to walk to town this morning & then the school run this afternoon didnt dampen my spirits I guess I must of walked about 6 miles in the snow pushing the double buggy with both children in it - hard work, very very cold but good fun!!!

Im trying to organise something every month so we have things to look forward to, my friend emailed & suggested about 5 things so thats nearly half the year sorted, we are also trying to decide where to go on holiday, we both fancy Florida again but are thinking maybe the children are a little young still, but maybe we will go anyway.

x