21st Decemeber...

So many christmas parties, I think today was the last, phew, the children are worn out, its been great though, last year Murphy was very young so we didn't go to that many, the year before I was pregnant & felt so ill I just had to sleep most of the time.

Only a few days to Christmas & I'm pleased to say that I'm all ready apart from the veg for Christmas dinner which I will be getting tomorrow.

Im worried Gavin wont get home though he is two & half hours away & its snowing heavy where he is, Ive tried to get him to come home now but he says he will hold out till tomorrow...

This week has been hard work, I have felt so down & like no one cares, silly because I know they do, just sometimes I maybe need them to tell me a little more...

We have all been poorly as well so I think between both children waking up coughing & being sick (Murphy) & me coughing I have averaged out about 3 or 4 hours of broken sleep a night, not good! only other parents who have children who dont sleep can really understand, people who moan that they only got 6 hours on tuesday DO NOT understand! Do I sound bitter?? because really, I am!! :)

At the weekend we went on a National Deaf Childrens weekend, lots of talk about getting the best out of pre-school for your deaf child, we learnt some very interesting things including about getting your child statemented which today at pre-shool I have started the long 6 month process of getting this done for Keeley. We also heard about a place in Oxford which helps deaf children with their speech sounds great so we are waiting for a phone call to see if they can do anything with Keeley, very expensive though, £170 for an hours appointment & its a 90min drive away, but I would do anything to help her lead an easier life. Cochlear implants is also on my list to find out more info. busy busy days!!! x

Update on 'the big hospital appointment'

A rather traumatic day!!! the appointment itself was ok until they tried to take her blood pressure, abig no no after giving up it was time for blood tests!! she screamed I cried it took five attempts to get it, next was the hand xray to check her bone growth, at the end of this we had one very unhappy little girl & a mummy who felt a little upset as well!! wonder how long the results will take?

Tomorrow is big hospital day!! Keeley has to have growth hormone injected everynight as she is so small, tomorrow is her appointment with the Endo we haven't seen him for well over year due to holidays etc, Gavin has taken the rest of the week off work so he can come along, I'm hoping they will up it again, although the side affects for a few weeks are not pleasant I think she could do with the extra bit!!

I' tired today, really tired... Murph was up a lot in the night just wanting a drink then back to sleep, then Keeley came wandering in, not sure what time but thinking it was about 3am, Gavin had to drive to Basingstoke at 5am this morning so night duty was all mine...lucky me! after he had woke me to say goodbye Murph was up again then Keeley woke about 6 wanting to get up, Im guessing I had about 4 hours, 4 broken hours of sleep!! but never mind I can catch up & I will the only thing is it makes me less patience with my babies then makes me feel bad about snapping, I know I'm not the only one though most parent go through this.

Happy Halloween for yesterday, it was a long day!!! I went wedding dress shopping with my friend & after helping haul about 20 'big heavy' dresses over her head i was shattered, still, it was a fab day & we have decided on the bridesmaid dresses, they are a beautiful duck egg blue colour & very slim fitting!! I will be needing to stick with the diet a little longer :(

As soon as I got home it was out to a joint 2nd & 4th birthday party of some friends of Keeley & Murphy, they both had a fab time & ate fish fingers & smiley faces!!

After the party we met some friends at the end of the road & went trick or treating which keeley loved this year, she really got into the swing of things. After trick or treating we went down to the towns bonfire on the park its only a few minutes walk, we hung around until the fireworks started & at this point Keeley decided she hated them, she could hear the bangs pretty well & I think this kinda freaked her out a little, we got home & watched them from outside the house whilst our neighbour cuddled Keeley, she seemed happy with this, then finally put our two very sleepy little ones to bed & began to clean up the bomb site which used to be known as our home... happy days it was a great day x

More walking today

We went on a ghost hunt around Sudbury hall, we more of a stroll watching the children running off!! Keeley's premmie friend jack came along with his mum Liz & my friend Kerry came with her daughter Daisy, Keeley & Daisy played together nicely for a change they normaly fight over things but they has a couple of cuddles. Murph enjoyed rummbling around after the older ones, he will soon be running after them.

i love this poem it just sums everything I was feeling up, hard times but we got through it...


God bless the little child behind the plastic wall
For all she knows is the ringing of the bells and
the blurred images around her. she has been taken
from my womb without warning and I long to hold her
in my arms.

Lord, I ask in your name that my child be healed.
I am willing to accept your decision no matter what
it will be. I am willing to take on the responsibilities
for caring for this child. I am willing to give this
child love and understanding no matter the cost.

Please Lord help me to accept reality and what has
happened without explanation or warning. Help me
face the fact that this is not my fault and that
I was given a special task to complete here on Earth.

God give my child the strength to make it through another
second, minute, hour and day as each moment is
a blessing and a triumph from heaven.

God, may you give the strength and compassion
to the caregivers and nurses that take care of my child
May you keep my child protected and free from all injury
and pain.

Please take away the guilt and burden from my heart dear
Lord. It is heavy and I feel it is all my fault.
Take it away dear Lord. Sweet Jesus allow me the strength
and understanding I need to communicate with the Doctors
and Nurses.

As you see dear Lord, I am at your mercy for the life of
my child. Please leave her here on Earth and know that
I will provide all the love and understanding that
this child needs. I accept the challenge and will be
your humble servant dear Lord.

We have had a lovely couple of days yesterday we went for a walk with some friends in total there were 6 adults 11 children & two bumps, all the children were well behaved but to be fair we did have lots of snacks to keep them going & of course most were on their bikes.

Today was a little easier I went to the gym this morning while Keeley was at Nicolas & Murphy went to the crech & then I just caught up on the house work, needless to say the house still isn't very tidy with two little ones on the go!!!

Hi my name is Clare I am wife to Gavin & full time mummy to two fab children Keeley & Murphy, Gavin & I have been together for 5 years although only married for two, Keeley is our eldest aged 3 & Murphy is 1.

Keeley was born prem at 30 weeks weighing 1lb 14oz she spent 3 months in hospital, Keeley is Deaf as a result of being prem & she also has Turners syndrome, Murphy was my big term baby weighing in at 5lb 10oz & is a text book baby, he has helped heal a lot of pain.

I gave up work when Keeley was born & have deceided not to return for a few years I am lucky to have such a hard working husband who is happy to support us all.